The cupboard technique: How to make your kid eat!

Yes you read right!

For about a year now Cai has been a picky eater (as all toddlers are). We have tried many different methods to deal with this pickyness: Reduce the amount of soy milk he drinks, reduce the number of snacks, prevent him from eating dessert until his meal has been eaten, disallow any food until the following meal if his meal is not eaten, asking him to eat a certain number of bites, putting a tiny amount on his plate, putting a lot on his plate....Of course none of these attempts resulted in Cai eating anymore and really just showed him how much attention he would get for not eating. Getting attention for not eating means he continues to not eat in order to get more attention. What a vicious circle!

The thing about eating is that you can't force a kid to eat something, just like you can't force him to go to sleep. He is the one who controls what enters his mouth. The parent can provide healthy meals and snacks but the kid decides what and when to eat. That being said, it doesn't really make sense to try and force feed foods that WE choose on OUR schedule.

While talking on the phone with my Mother, she made a few suggestions of another technique to try with Cai and his eating. Basically, this technique involves providing healthy snacks in a cupboard that the child can access at any time and allowing him to eat when and what he wants from that stash. At first glance it sounds a little permissive, but the idea is to give the child the ability to control what enters his stomach and to learn to identify when he is hungry. If he only eats when he is hungry, and stops when he is full, he will always listen his body and not overeat (something we all want for our kids!).

The other result of the cupboard technique is that eating is a non-issue. The child sits at the table during meal times, since this is family time (this is important in our family anyway), and only eats what he likes. He is not hassled about what he should be eating just as a parent would never think to hassle a child about what he should be playing with. If he is hungry sometime after the meal he may go to his cupboard and eat to his heart's (and stomach's) content. He may not, however, ask Mom to be a short order cook and have her make something in particular. Mom and Dad's job is to provide balanced meals and snacks at particular times, outside of those times he is on his own.

So we gave the cupboard technique a try today. First of all we were all a lot happier. Right after Cai's nap, always a cranky time, I showed him his cupboard and its contents. Cai was so excited he brought all four containers onto the couch and munched a little from each one. He shared with Jonah and had such a blast. He wasn't starving before dinner and therefore wasn't as unhappy. He was delighted to be able to have such a selection: Raisins and pumpkin seeds, two types of crackers, dried apricots, and two types of cereal. What a feast! He ate quite a bit before dinner and I figured he definitely wouldn't eat anything during the meal....SURPRISE....he ate three helpings of green beans! Although he didn't eat any sloppy joe he actually ate the vegetables. I can't really complain about that!

We've only used the cupboard technique for one day, time will tell how it works overall, however, I'm certainly convinced of its effectiveness thus far. It was refreshing not to have to worry or bug Cai about his eating, I felt like a weight had been lifted. He seemed so thrilled to have control over his eating, I'm almost looking forward to seeing how excited he is tomorrow. I'm glad that Cai's eating is now one less power struggle to deal with.