Parenting Books

I really want my kids to grow up to be the best people they can be. I have spent a lot of time reading parenting books because I want to be able to provide my children with a positive environment. I want to be able to treat them with respect so that they will respect others. The books I have read have provided me with the confidence to make decisions and the ability to influence my children so that they become the kind of people the can make a difference in the world.

Parenting is a continually changing, continually developing job that comes with no instruction manual. I am always on the look out for new ideas on how to positively discipline my children so that they can learn the importance of their behavior in any situation, whether I am watching them or not.

The following is a list of books that I have read and that I strongly suggest to every parent. No one book can supply the skills necessary to raise children, I recommend learning as much as possible and then combining all that is acquired in order to form a solid understanding on how best to influence your children.

How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen & Listen So Your Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
This is an incredibly practical book that gives the parent the words and actions to handle almost any situation. The authors have provided particular phrases that give the parents the confidence to deal with difficult situations by addressing their children's feelings in a respectful way. By validating a child's feelings this empowers him to learn how to be independent as well as how to make good decisions about his behavior. The authors focus on the idea that children need to change their behavior because of the needs of the situation not because Mom or Dad "said so." This teaches children to think critically about the overall consequences of their behavior as opposed to just whether they will get "in trouble" or not. This book will revolutionize how you talk to your kids.

Sibling Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Another book by Faber and Mazlish, this is a must read for parents with single and multiple children. The skills taught in this book can apply to sibling AND friend rivalry, don't skip this book because you only have one child; you will be missing out on extremely practical information on how to teach children how to play together successfully. The authors provide phrases and actions to help combating children learn how to play together productively, share, and problem solve with little parental intervention.

Liberated Parents Liberated Children by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
This is the first book by these authors and it is written almost like a novel. Faber and Mazlish have used "fictional" characters, modeled after themselves, to describe the parenting skills they want to teach. The book follows a mother and her family as she attends a parenting class, and attemps to improve on her parenting skills. The reader is able to see the struggles that the mother goes through as she tries to put the skills from the parenting group into practice. This book provides the reader with both practical parenting skills and the continual comfort that parenting is an uphill battle, fraught with setbacks as well as successes.

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Although less practical, this book is extremely helpful in establishing an overall mind frame for parenting. Kohn discusses how physical abuse, verbal abuse, and timeouts of any kind demonstrate that a parent's love is conditional on good behavior. He continues by explaining the catastrophic results of using this type of discipline. Kohn describes how to provide unconditional love combined with discipline with the goal of raising children who feel loved, respected and have the confidence to face the world.

Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen
Playful parenting is the act of playing through particular troubles instead of using discipline. Although not suitable for every problem this book provides an alternative way to reach out to children in a way they can understand: play. Cohen outlines how by playing with their children, parents can show their love, explain a difficult situation or reach out and reconnect.

Between Parent and Child by Dr. Haim Ginot
Another practical book that provides parents with a way to discipline their children by showing them respect. Dr. Ginot debunks common discipline problems and explains why what a parent might be doing is ineffective and detrimental. He provides practical advice on how to understand as well as guide children's behavior. Dr. Ginot addresses how to successfully develop a child's sense of responsibility and independence through teaching by example and showing respect for the child's feelings in his daily life. (Note: I have a very old edition and the last quarter of the book is terribly out of date. I don't agree with Dr. Ginot's potty training advice or how he deals with the gender roles of parents and children. I will borrow a friend's newer edition to see if this has been updated!)

Children the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs
Although some of the ideas in this book are outdated the overall concepts are incredibly helpful. Dreikurs outlines the use of respect, responsibility and love to parent children. He provides parenting skills for infants up to teenagers, giving age appropriate examples to help parents almost every situation.

Breaking the Good Mom Myth by Alyson Schafer
I'm expecting this one in the mail any day.... It arrived. Read about it here.