The gate

For about 6 months Cai, 2 1/2 years, would not stay in his room, or bed for that matter, for nap or night. It was an incredible strain on all of us because we had no idea how to handle the situation. Finally I took Dr. Ferber's book out from the library and found a solution: the baby gate. He suggests putting a baby gate on your child's door so that their room becomes their crib. Ingenious!

Cai can play with his toys or go to sleep (as he wishes) and he can't come out of his room to cause mischief. This gets rid of the power struggle wherein we try to force him to stay in his room and he comes running out as soon as we turn our backs. Of course Cai was not too pleased when we put up the gate but after a while he found it comforting. He felt secure, there was no longer the temptation to run out of the room, and he no longer felt anxious about bedtime or naptime. Recently, he asked for the gate to be removed. I obliged and after one "false start" where he ran out and I put the gate up, he has respectfully stayed in his room for bedtime and naptime. It is particularly refreshing during naptime when he will play in his room for an hour and never venture out. What self control! Six months of using the gate and now he is able to cooperate without a problem.

I thought "the gate" was such a great idea I applied it to a different situation. During the coldest months our heating doesn't quite cut it and our house can get quite cold. For whatever reason, Cai hates to wear his socks, this is fine for Spring and Fall but not acceptable for the winter months. The questions was: How do you force a toddler to keep his socks on when he can take them off himself?

The answer: The gate!
I simply used safety pins to pin Cai's socks onto his pants. The safety pins were the gate that kept Cai's socks on. With the safety pins securely fastened, he wasn't tempted to remove his socks and the power struggle between us disappeared. A day later when he began to remove his socks I asked him plainly and without malice, "Do you want to wear your socks or should I put the safety pins back on?" He said that he wanted the pins! So I went right ahead and put them on. I think he just wanted to remove the temptation of taking the socks off. After that, the socks stayed on and it was never mentioned again. Wow, what a relief.

"The gate" is a physical restraint that a parent can use to calmly show their child what type of behavior is required in a situation. It is a choice, the child can behave as required or choose that "the gate" be used to help them. After all, sometimes children need a little help to master their temptations and gain self control.