Trendy Green Mommy

Cous Cous Salad

2008-03-31T11:05:00.002-04:00

Since Cai has allergies to milk and eggs (among others) when we got together with my vegetarian friend Tara, we had to cook vegan. One of our staple lunch dishes was Cous cous salad. This salad kind of takes on a life of its own but somehow always tastes delicious:) It is great for emptying the fridge of tiny bits of fruit or veggies.

Cous Cous Salad

1 cup cooked cous cous
1 can of beans (any type - kidney, black, chick pea, white.....), rinsed and drained
1 avocado, cubed
1 pear/peach, cubed
1 apple, peeled, cubed
1 tomato cubed
1 large bunch of grapes, cut in half
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup craisins
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1/2 cup pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup chopped cilantro (or parsley)

Dressing:
1 1/2 tablespoon of dijon mustard
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup red wine vinegar (or lemon juice or another type of vinegar)

Mix the dressing separately and pre-taste to check for flavor. Adjust amounts if necessary.

Add all ingredients to a large plastic container with a lid and pour on the dressing. Put the lid on and shake until it is uniformly mixed. Pre-taste to check for flavor.

Notes: I don't always have all those ingredients so I put in what I have. The idea is to balance the sweet items with the sour taste of the dressing. I've made it without the cilantro when I didn't have any and it came out just as good. I've used fresh and canned pears and peaches and they taste excellent as well. I'm sure you could add small amounts of cooked carrots/brocoli/green beans/peas as well if you had them. I don't think you can mess this up but the more you add the more salad you have so pick a LARGE container:)

How Children Learn

2008-03-09T22:33:00.005-04:00

After reading Linda Dobson's First Year of Homeschooling I decided to read a completely different type of homeschooling book. John Holt's How Children Learn is written in an entirely different style and took some time to adjust to. Dobson's book is laid out in an organized chapter, section, sub-section, sub-sub-section style and Holt's book is the complete opposite. Holt has minimal chapter separations with a sort of rambling-from-one-subject-to-the-other style with very little concluding or summing up of information. At first it was hard for me to understand why his book has sold so many copies and has been translated into over a dozen languages.....Why would thousands of people enjoy a book written with such an apparent lack of organization?

The answer is that Holt is trying to illustrate his views on learning not only by what is written in his book but also by how his book is written.

Holt feels that children learn in what appears to be an illogical, multi-lateral fashion. To us it may seem that children's actions and inquiries are redundant or unnecessary but they are simply exploring their surroundings in their own way in order to make sense of what they experience. By writing his book in a more flowing, apparently slightly scattered way Holt enhances his explanations of how children learn.

Holt also focuses on the topic of learning vs. teaching. Holt suggests that our society is far to obsessed with teaching. He explains that children will learn by exploring and that many things that are "taught," children would learn on their own if we left them to their own devices. He uses the analogy of walking, we do not teach a child how to walk, he simply works through the steps over a number of months, and eventually puts all the pieces together and takes his first steps. Holt explains that all learning is like this when un-interrupted by interrfering parents and teachers. For example, young children do not need to have their speech corrected, as they mature they will explore with different pronunciations and begin to recognize that they are not pronouncing words as those around them and they will decide to pay attention and self-correct. When we intervene and nag a child with speech and grammar corrections we are sending the message that the child is incompetent in speech and that they cannot learn the proper patterns on their own. This stifles the child's confidence and actually perpetuates the speech difficulties by producing power struggles between the adult and child.

Similarly, Holt explains that parents interfere with other types of learning. When a child manages to singlehandedly get both of his shoes on for the first time and the parent only points out that the shoes are on the wrong feet the child, previously proud of his accomplishment, feels only shame and despair. No wonder he refuses to put his shoes on for the next outing. By pointing out his mistake instead of enjoying his success the parent manages to remove the child's pride and replace it with feelings of inability and incompetence. When parents continually refuse to recognize a child's successes and focus only on their imperfections the child looses their self-confidence, their drive to discover and learn, and this results in a child who acts and feels helpless. We need to empower our children by giving them the space to explore and learn and sharing their excitement and pride when they feel they've had success. Holt explains that the teaching that goes on at traditional schools works only to discourage and debilitate children in their quest to learn. Children are forced to learn topics with which they are uninterested and using methods that are not tailored to their individual needs. Given the current state of our traditional school he strongly suggests learning at home.

Although initially I felt "How Children Learn" was disorganized and slightly incomprehensible, my opinion changed half-way through. I realized that Holt's rambling actually reinforced his illustrations of how children learn and I really began to appreciate his admiration for his subjects. He illustrates his amazement at how children explore the world and get interested in the most minute details. His many anecdotes about the different children that he worked with helped me to understand what children need to feel accepted and free to engage themselves in their world. Although I doubt Holt wrote this book as a parenting book, he offers such sensitive, warm treatment of children that any parent can come away with positive values with which to treat their children, in addition to a greater understanding of how to create the most child-friendly learning environment.

A how-to book about Homeschooling

2008-03-09T22:05:00.004-04:00

Our Pre-homeschool Yahoo group decided to read a book to help us all get informed about homeschooling:

The First Year of Homeschooling Your Child by Linda Dobson

I have to admit that I was a bit hesitant to read this book since I'm not too crazy about how-to books. How-to books often seem watered down since the author is trying to cover so much information. I'm glad I ignored my first instincts and went ahead with this book as it did prove to be helpful.

Dobson discusses homeschooling as it could pertain to many different types of families: families bringing children home from traditional school and families starting with younger children just entering school-age. She discusses the many different types of homeschooling: from traditional homeschooling, involving a traditional school-like setting, all the way across the spectrum to un-schooling homeschooling, which involves complete child-led learning with parents acting only as guides. In addition, Dobson discusses particular hurdles and how to overcome them and even includes a "Week in the life" section that illustrates how different homeschooling families spend their learning time. Peppered throughout the text are many anecdotes from real homeschooling families which help the reader to visualize what their own homeschooling days will be like.

All-in-all I found that reading this book helped me to clarify exactly what my homeschooling goals and values are. By reading about how other families homeschool I have been able imagine how our schooling will progress. Dobson provides a good summary of the first year of homeschooling, valuable to any parent starting out on a homeschooling adventure.

Solving Your Child's Eating Problems

2008-02-17T20:51:00.004-05:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, about the snack cupboard, we have been struggling to get Cai to want to eat in a healthy way. Although the snack cupboard technique was a start, we now have a full blown procedure for having Cai eat healthy. It's all thanks to this book, sent to me by my mom.

Our amazing procedure is actually supremely simple:

Allow Cai to eat what he wants, when he wants so that he learns to listen to his body. When he listens to his body he can identify when he is hungry and what exactly will satisfy that hunger, after he has eaten that thing he will then be able to identify when he is full and stop eating.

It all sounds very foreign to us because in our culture we expect people to eat at certain times of the day and to eat certain types of foods. For example: It is acceptable to eat oatmeal for breakfast but not for dinner, one should eat a balanced lunch and dinner (vegetable, protein, carbohydrate) and try not to snack in between....Just because this is what we do doesn't mean that it's actually what is best for us!

Solving Your Child's Eating Problems By Jane R. Hirschmann and Lela Zaphiropoulos states that the reason we have so many eating disorders in our Western society is due to the fact that we put so much emphasis on food and so little emphasis on hunger. If you only eat when you are hungry and only what you are hungry for then you will feel satiated and not feel the need to eat other random things. In addition, if you view the bad foods (sweets, fattening foods, salty foods...) as equal to the healthy foods (vegetables, fruits...) and have them available equally, the appeal of the bad foods fades. For example, when you eat a whole box of Oreo cookies you certainly do not feel the need to start in on the next box, you probably crave something with a different taste to combat the sweetness, milk maybe. Because we have learned to totally ignore our body's food desires we only hear these cries in such extreme situations as with an Oreo binge, when in reality our bodies are always calling out for certain things, in order to provide our organs with the necessary elements they need to function. By applying this demand feeding concept to Cai's eating we help him to identify what his body craves instead of forcing him to eat what we think he needs.

Basically, we fill Cai's snack cupboard with whatever he wants, candies and vegetables alike, he can then choose what he eats at anytime of the day. I still prepare meals and he sits with us at the table but he doesn't have to eat what I prepare. Maybe that's not what his body needs right then?!

When we started the demand feeding, suggested in Hirschmann and Zaphiropoulos' book, Cai reached for the candy every time. He ate nothing but licorice and jube jubes for about 24 hours! It was pretty difficult to keep our mouths shut and let him do it (I sure brushed his teeth well!) but it has payed off. We are all a lot happier not to have to hassle him about his eating and he is getting better at identifying exactly what it is he needs to fill his tummy.

Meal times have been a lot more pleasant since starting demand feeding. Today at dinner we had turkey burgers and sweet potato oven fries, Cai was excited for the meal to start and waited anxiously for the food to be put on the table. He ate a 1/4 of his hamburger and 1/2 a carrot and 2 large pieces of lettuce dipped in salad dressing. We did not have to bug him about coming to sit down or eating. Our dinner conversation did not only consist of us telling him, for the 20th time that he has to eat his meal before he gets his ice cream. In fact, he didn't even ask for ice cream! We all could actually talk about something else other than Cai's eating - imagine!? It was all very pleasurable.

The goal is for the child to be able to recognize that the empty feeling is indeed hunger, not boredom, anxiety, sadness, or some other empty feeling, so that he learns to eat only in response to hunger. This helps to prevent eating disorders which arise from kids filling their tummies in response to other feelings of emptyness (i.e. sadness).

Wouldn't it be great if we all only ate when we were hungry and only ate as much as needed to feel full?! Reading this book has really helped me to think about my own eating habits. When I reach for that 10th Ritz cracker I stop and consider if there is something else I'm craving, or if actually I'm full and it's time to do some other activity.

Although it may feel scary to let go of the control over your child's eating the payoff is 200%. You get pleasant meals and happy kids. Kids who can acknowledge when they are hungry, what they are hungry for and when they are full. This will reduce the chance of the development of eating disorders and maybe even help you learn to listen to your own tummy.

The Sensory box - A Bean Sandbox

2008-02-14T15:45:00.003-05:00

Kids have so much fun playing in the sandbox right? What do you do when its winter and your sandbox if frozen solid?!?!? Make one in side!
Cai, AJ, and Andrew (my friend Mai's kids), all playing in the bean box together.

How to make a bean box:

Take a low Rubbermaid tub (the kind that fits under a bed) and fill it with any small thing you can think of:
uncooked rice
uncooked macaroni
dry beans
dry lentils
large beads
small lego pieces.....
(This is not an event for really little ones)

Throw in some spoons, sieves, cups, measuring cups, forks......

And let your toddler go at it!

They will spend hours mixing the items with their hands, pouring from one cup to the other, or sorting the different colours or shapes. You can get your hands in there too, its really very relaxing.

Officially, its called a sensory box because it allows children to use their senses to experience new things: hearing the beans bang against each other, feeling the noodles with ridges,....its all very engrossing. Unofficially, I think of it as an indoor bean sandbox. Although it is less messy than having a real sandbox inside your house your children will get things outside of the box. The mess can be easily cleaned with a broom and dustpan or vacuum.

You may feel hesitant to try something like this if you fear that your child will start throwing rice around the room, however, you simply have to set limits ahead of time and be consistent. Children need boundaries so that they feel safe to explore within them. Explain the rules before starting the activity and then if (when) they are breached give one chance and then remove the box calmly and without a fuss. The end of the bean box will be punishment enough. Bring it out again when you feel ready to give you child another chance: after nap, the next day, when you feel comfortable....Your little one will learn how to be creative in a responsible way that does not destroy your house:)

Vegan Carrot Muffins

2008-02-12T16:12:00.001-05:00

I got this recipe from my friend Tara, it was always our favorite "safe" dessert recipe for special occasions. Tara made 24 of these yummy muffins and transported all of them to our house for Cai's 2nd birthday party. We made a quick icing out of water and icing sugar and served them for dessert. Cai was extatic!

Vegan Carrot Muffins

1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 1/2 cup water or soy milk
4 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp allspice
3 cups grated carrots
1 cup raisins (you could also add craisins or chopped dates or blueberries)

Blend oil and sugar, add water and beat. Sift flour with remaining ingredients and add to sugar mixture. Add carrots and raisins and mix well.
Bake in muffin cups in a preheated 350 degree oven for 25 minutes or until done.

You can also bake in a 9x13" cake pan for 30-40 minutes.

Vegan White Cake Cupcakes

2008-02-12T15:51:00.001-05:00

Whenever we go to birthday parties with cupcakes I always make these for Cai so he doesn't feel left out. The are light, fluffy and delicious. I have to admit that I always use store bought icing and sprinkles because those are both egg and milk free:)

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup vegan margarine
1 cup rice milk
1 egg equivalent (Ener-G egg replacement)
1 tsp vanilla

Mix margarine, rice milk, liquid portion of the egg replacement, and vanilla with an electric mixer. Slowly add dry ingredients, including dry portion of the egg replacement, in a few additions, mixing well after each addition. Beat for 2 minutes. Pour into muffin cups and bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 20 minutes or until a toothpick, when inserted in the center of the cupcake, comes out clean.

Let cool and then top with store bought white icing.

Vegan Chocolate Cake with Maple or Mocha Icing

2008-02-12T15:32:00.001-05:00

This is a delicious, dark, moist cake that is totally egg and milk free! We've made this cake for Birthdays, Saying good bye parties, and just for fun. It's never around for very long!

Cocoa Devil's Food Cake

1 cup sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 cup rice milk

Combine the above ingredients in a small bowl, stir and set aside.

1/2 cup vegan margarine
1 cup sugar
2 egg equivalents (Ener-G egg replacement)
2 cups cake flour (2 cups less 4 tbsp regular flour)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 rice milk
1 tsp vanilla

Cream sugar and margarine. Beat in cocoa mixture. Mix the dry ingredients in a separate bowl, including the dry portion of the egg replacement. Mix the wet ingredients, including the wet portion of the egg replacement, in another bowl. Add the dry ingredients in 3 parts to the creamed sugar, margarine, and cocoa mixture by alternating with the wet ingredients. Beat batter until smooth.

Grease a tube pan and sprinkle sugar over the bottom. Pour in the batter and bake the cake in a 350 degrees preheated oven for 1 hour.

You can also make cupcakes with this recipe. Pour the final batter into muffin cups and bake for 20 minutes at 375 degrees. Only fill the muffin cups 1/2 full (maximum) because they rise A LOT!

When the cake is cool, cover it with one of the following icings:

Quick Vegan Maple Icing

2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 tbsp vegan margarine
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla
real maple syrup

Mix everything but the syrup in a bowl. Slowly add the maple syrup until the icing is a good consistency for spreading.

Vegan Mocha Icing

1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
2 tbsp cocoa
1/2 cup margarine
1/8 tsp salt
3 tbsp strong hot coffee
1 tsp vanilla

Beat the sugar, cocoa and margarine together until creamy. Add the salt and coffee. Beat for 2 minutes. When icing is cool add 1 tsp vanilla flavoring and let stand for 5 minutes. Beat well and then spread.

The idea of family routines

2008-02-08T14:10:00.000-05:00

I feel like I've finally discovered some routines to help maintain a sense of order on a daily basis and I thought I'd share them, in case they work for you too. I wouldn't expect our exact routines to work for you, your house probably isn't laid out like ours, your daily schedules are not the same and neither are your kids, however, it is a jumping off point. We do follow these routines pretty much every day of the week (even the weekends, although slightly more loosely).

Kids thrive on routines because it makes them feel confident to know what's expected of them. Although it may feel hard to set up a routine, because everyone has their own ideas of what they want to be doing when, ultimately routines benefit everyone because each family member knows what his job is and that every other family member depends on him to complete his job for family life to run smoothly. Even the youngest of family members have jobs that make them feel part of something bigger than themselves, these feelings make them feel connected with a sense of belonging. These connected feelings are extremely strong motivators, stronger than any type of discipline or punishment, they result in positive behavior - kids will to want to help out the family.

Giving a child a "job" makes the child see the task as important in itself and not just something he has to do because mom says so. For example: It is my job to prepare the meal and it is Cai's job to take his plate and cup to the counter at the end of his meal. In order for the meal to run smoothly we both need to complete our jobs. If I don't prepare the meal we will be hungry and if Cai doesn't take his plate and cup to the counter for me to wash, they won't be clean for the next meal. He needs to take his plate to the counter because that's his job, not because I said so.

Another example of a routine we use is during my morning shower. The shower is always a time of great difficulty for moms: How to accomplish getting all wet and soapy for at least 10 minutes without having to run out of the shower to rescue some fallen toddler or crying baby? The answer lies in establishing the routine. Take your shower at the same time everyday and put your kids in the same place each time, near enough that you can see them but restrict their ability to leave or get into anything dangerous. After only a few days your kids will comfortably play while you shower, because they understand, even if they are non-verbal, that it is mom's job to take a shower and their job to play quietly.

Ideas to accomplish this:
-babygate the bathroom door so your kids stay inside
-put a lock on the toilet or cupboards if that is a temptation
-put your younger baby in the EMPTY bath tub to play if your shower is separate
-provide a safe snack (cheerios?) to eat (this always keeps babies and toddlers busy alike)
-provide exciting toys that are only for shower time (a broken remote control, cell phone....)

After a few days of using these techniques you will be able to provide less exciting distractions as your children learn their job of entertaining themselves for the 10-15 minutes it takes for you to take your shower. In the end it will be relaxing, you will have confidence that your children are happily playing, and they will understand that they must look after themselves for those 10 minutes while staying safe, where mom can see them. If they call out to you simply state that you are in the shower and that you will help them when you are done.

You can use the shower technique at other times of the day. While I clean up after breakfast and lunch the kids know that it is their time to play on their own. I try to have a (mostly) clean kitchen at the end of each meal so that the mess doesn't get overwhelming by the end of the day. While I am cleaning, if I am asked to retrieve something from upstairs or fix a broken toy, I simply state that I am cleaning up and that I will be available when I am finished. Cai and Jonah know it is their job to play and my job to clean and when I am done they will be done too. Sometimes moms feel like they should do everything for their children but this is not productive. I need a clean kitchen in order to move on with the day and my children must wait for this to happen. I am not at the beck and call of my children, there is a give and take relationship that must occur so that the daily events can proceed in an effective way.

I'm sure you can think of times during your day when you wish you could get something done for the family. You deserve to be able to do it! You may not believe that your unruly young brood could possibly get along for the 10 minutes it takes, but if you expect it of them, and consistently, calmly let them know that you will be there for them when you are finished, they will surprise you. Using these types of routines and techniques help to get through all the little necessary daily events. When each one is a struggle the day can seem to stretch on forever, when everyone is pulling their weight and doing their job, the chores are completed with ease and the family can move on to playing together and having fun.

Vegan Peanut-free Raggedy Ann Cookies

2008-02-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

I'm always on the look-out for cookies without eggs in them, Raggedy Anns are perfect candidates. Since finding "Sun Butter," Sunflower butter sold at our nearest A&P, I have been also been able to make recipes that require peanut butter, peanut butter free! Yahoo!

These cookies are fast and taste great, sun butter is the greatest replacement for peanut butter I have ever tasted, you almost don't even notice.

Vegan Peanut-free Raggedy Anns

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
2 cups quick-cooking oats
2 cups sugar
2 tbsp cocoa
1/2 cup rice milk
1/2 cup vegan margarine
1/2 cup sunflower butter
1 tsp vanilla

Combine graham cracker crumbs and oats and set aside.

In a large pot, mix sugar, cocoa, milk, and margarine. Bring to a boil and cook for 1 minute.

Remove from heat and stir in sunflower butter and vanilla.

Add dry mixture quickly and blend.

Drop by teaspoonfuls onto parchment paper and cool.

Store in an airtight box.

Make them with your little one and let them lick the spoon:)

Vegan Cinnamon Apple Pancakes

2008-02-07T21:04:00.000-05:00

So we're not vegan, we're not even vegetarians but Cai is allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts and sesame and we don't keep any of those things in our house. Every Saturday morning we have pancakes and bacon and everyone looks forward to it every week. The pancakes are always vegan and the bacon...well....isn't:)

I'd thought I'd share our recipe since its so yummy.

Vegan Cinnamon Apple Pancakes

1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
3 tbsp brown sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 egg equivalent (egg replacer such as Ener-G)
3 tbsp vegan margarine
1 1/4 cups rice milk
2 apples, peeled, cored, diced (I like macintosh)

Fry the apples in vegan margarine, in the frying pan you plan to use for the pancakes, until they are golden brown but not super mushy.

Combine all the dry ingredients in a bowl. Melt the margarine in the microwave in a 2-cup glass measuring cup. When it is melted pour in the right amount of rice milk and stir.

Hint: I like to add the Ener-G powder to the dry ingredients and the water to the 2-cup measuring cup with the other wet ingredients.

Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir until most of the lumps are gone. Add the fried apples and stir until they are coated. The consistency should be somewhat runny.

Add more margarine to the frying pan and pour out your pancakes in the size you want. Flip when ready and then serve with real maple syrup.

You can't go wrong with these, ENJOY.

Potty training - Our success story

2008-02-04T14:44:00.001-05:00

The use of disposable diapers creates a huge amount of waste that gorge our landfills. Disposable diaper companies make larger and larger sizes, claiming that children cannot be trained until they are three or four years old, really this is just a marketing ploy that western society is falling for. People from non-Western countries think it disgusting to keep a child's waist against there body any longer than necessary. By taking our babies to the potty and practicing EC, using cloth diapers and green detergents, and toilet training as soon possible we all can help our Earth last a little longer for our children's children and the future generations.

For all the above reasons we wanted to toilet train Cai, who was conventionally diapered, as soon as possible. I did hear about EC, from my wonderful friend Tara, when Cai was 4 months, but I didn't have the guts to try it; something I regretted later. As Cai got older and started solid food and was more mobile I really disliked the difficult diaper changes and I was even more motivated to put him into underwear.

Learning about EC helped me to realize that since babies are aware of their elimination needs from birth, really you can toilet train at any time. You just have to have your child become more aware of what is going on by taking off the diaper and having them stop ignoring when they are peeing and pooping.

Since we were moving to the U.S. right before Cai turned two we decided to potty train once we were settled into the new house, when Cai was 24 months old. Of course everyone had their doubts as to the success of this endeavor since he was "so young" and "boys are harder to train than girls." However, I just knew that we had to patient and supportive and make the switch to full-time underwear!

The challenge is: How do you make the switch from your child having no idea when or what is going to come out to your child knowing when its coming and where to go in preparation? The answer: Juice + potty+ Franklin + candy!

We put the potty on the couch and sat Cai on it. We gave him lots of juice and had him watch Franklin pretty much all day. He would announce when he peed because he was excited to get the candy. He peed often because he was drinking juice. After 48 hours of lots of accidents he was able to sit on the potty and let it out right away. It was pretty amazing how quickly he started to listen to his body, considering he had been ignoring those functions for two whole years. After a week he was reliable enough to go out and about and we were down to only 1 accident a day. We were so proud of him and I could tell he was proud of himself too.

Catching his poops was a matter of watching for when he started squatting and quickly scooting the potty under him. I would give him a toy to play with (lego or a puzzle) and he would sit there for about 20 minutes, totally engrossed in his toy. When he got up we were both so excited to see what he had left behind.

We always stayed calm and happy, never pressuring him or forcing him to sit if he didn't want to. It was not a power struggle and he didn't have any regression.

Two weeks after beginning potty training we started using underwear at night. Cai said he wanted to and we went with it. Of course there were many a wet morning or night but I really feel that in order to learn how to be dry at night he has to know what it feels like to be wet and this cannot be accomplished by wearing diapers. Now Cai sometimes wakes up to pee in the middle of the night and we go and help him. He has yet to do it by himself but it will come.

My advice to anyone who wants to potty train their little one :
-Buy tons of cheap underwear from Walmart and some 100% cotton cloth diapers to mop up the accidents
-Go to strictly underwear during the day or your child will not learn as fast
-Don't worry about the pants for the first 48 hours you will have to change them so often there is no point
-Don't leave the house for the first 5 days (you will be too stressed about having an accident and your child will sense this)
-Buy really great (small) candies (m&ms, skittles,...) that your child will want (Hint: my friend, Rebecca's daughter, didn't care about candy so she set the oven timer and put her daughter on the toilet every fifteen minutes in order to catch the pees when they came out)
-Count to ten if you get stressed and keep a smile on, your child will know if what he is doing is upsetting you and that will cause more accidents and complicate the issue
-Soon after starting, get rid of the diapers at night, you will thank yourself later
-The poos will probably take longer than the pees so be prepared to throw away some underwear that are beyond saving (we did this at a park once!)
-If the poos are being missed for a long time, consider offering a super amazing reward like a whole can of sprite

Good luck, and look forward to the time you have to go down a pant size because there is no more bulky diaper:)

More potty scootin'

2008-02-03T15:13:00.000-05:00

Here's Cai and Jonah having a blast on their potties!

The cupboard technique: How to make your kid eat!

2008-02-01T21:29:00.000-05:00

Yes you read right!

For about a year now Cai has been a picky eater (as all toddlers are). We have tried many different methods to deal with this pickyness: Reduce the amount of soy milk he drinks, reduce the number of snacks, prevent him from eating dessert until his meal has been eaten, disallow any food until the following meal if his meal is not eaten, asking him to eat a certain number of bites, putting a tiny amount on his plate, putting a lot on his plate....Of course none of these attempts resulted in Cai eating anymore and really just showed him how much attention he would get for not eating. Getting attention for not eating means he continues to not eat in order to get more attention. What a vicious circle!

The thing about eating is that you can't force a kid to eat something, just like you can't force him to go to sleep. He is the one who controls what enters his mouth. The parent can provide healthy meals and snacks but the kid decides what and when to eat. That being said, it doesn't really make sense to try and force feed foods that WE choose on OUR schedule.

While talking on the phone with my Mother, she made a few suggestions of another technique to try with Cai and his eating. Basically, this technique involves providing healthy snacks in a cupboard that the child can access at any time and allowing him to eat when and what he wants from that stash. At first glance it sounds a little permissive, but the idea is to give the child the ability to control what enters his stomach and to learn to identify when he is hungry. If he only eats when he is hungry, and stops when he is full, he will always listen his body and not overeat (something we all want for our kids!).

The other result of the cupboard technique is that eating is a non-issue. The child sits at the table during meal times, since this is family time (this is important in our family anyway), and only eats what he likes. He is not hassled about what he should be eating just as a parent would never think to hassle a child about what he should be playing with. If he is hungry sometime after the meal he may go to his cupboard and eat to his heart's (and stomach's) content. He may not, however, ask Mom to be a short order cook and have her make something in particular. Mom and Dad's job is to provide balanced meals and snacks at particular times, outside of those times he is on his own.

So we gave the cupboard technique a try today. First of all we were all a lot happier. Right after Cai's nap, always a cranky time, I showed him his cupboard and its contents. Cai was so excited he brought all four containers onto the couch and munched a little from each one. He shared with Jonah and had such a blast. He wasn't starving before dinner and therefore wasn't as unhappy. He was delighted to be able to have such a selection: Raisins and pumpkin seeds, two types of crackers, dried apricots, and two types of cereal. What a feast! He ate quite a bit before dinner and I figured he definitely wouldn't eat anything during the meal....SURPRISE....he ate three helpings of green beans! Although he didn't eat any sloppy joe he actually ate the vegetables. I can't really complain about that!

We've only used the cupboard technique for one day, time will tell how it works overall, however, I'm certainly convinced of its effectiveness thus far. It was refreshing not to have to worry or bug Cai about his eating, I felt like a weight had been lifted. He seemed so thrilled to have control over his eating, I'm almost looking forward to seeing how excited he is tomorrow. I'm glad that Cai's eating is now one less power struggle to deal with.

Breaking the Good Mom Myth

2008-01-31T21:34:00.000-05:00

Breaking the Good Mom Myth by Alyson Schafer

It just arrived and I am almost done! This book is great. It is very much an updated version of Children the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs with the addition of humor and a modern family focus. The book has the theme of debunking common myths about being a "good" mom. Overall, the idea is that families should be democracies and not monarchies. Parents are leaders and the children have rights and are treated with respect.

Schafer addresses so many issues that are often unmentioned in your average parenting book. She devotes a whole chapter to explaining how mom, by sacrificing ALL of her time for her kids, is actually making parenting harder. She continues to say that Mom should discover what it is that makes her happy (away from the kids) and make sure to do it at least once a week. For some moms it might be spending a morning at the coffee shop reading the paper from start to finish or for others it might be getting a pedicure. Dad is required to manage with the kids while Mom gets some time away, this empowers Dad and gives special Dad time. By having special personal time Mom is better able to manage the difficult job of raising her brood.

Another interesting chapter, not common in the parenting books I've read, was the chapter about marriage. It makes total sense to discuss how difficulties in a marriage can lead to problems with the kids. After all, kids are so perceptive, they know if something is not right between Mom and Dad. Schafer discusses the importance of demonstrating how to respect and communicate with each other. She even talks a bit about the S-word (SEX!).

I really felt that I benefited from reading the chapters on pampering and controlling your kids. I think I do a little of both. It was empowering to read that it is okay to expect your child to always do what they are capable of doing. For example, if your child can eat with a fork by themselves then they should always eat with a fork by themselves. You should not pamper by feeding them. This results in them dependent on you and feeling that they themselves are not good enough. Similarly, the chapter on controlling your kids outlined how important it is to give kids choices and to restrain yourself from controlling things that really don't matter. Let them choose which plate to eat of off or which pair of shoes to wear. They will feel proud and excited to have control over their lives and will therefore be more cooperative.

The chapter on sibling rivalry was pretty influential for me. Basically Schafer states that it is a parent's job to STAY OUT OF IT! Your kids are fighting to get your attention and they don't actually want to hurt each other. If they don't get your attention from fighting they will quickly stop because its much easier to cooperate and get along. I found it very interesting when Schafer pointed out that when a younger sibling steals the older sibling's toy she actually has a number of choices in the matter, it's not just that she is younger and therefore deserves to have the toy (the common opinion.) She could actually choose not to grab the toy from her older brother knowing full well that this will upset him. What a thought! She could choose to do something else, such as play with another toy! By ignoring fights, a parent shifts the control to the kids and lets them decide how to get along.

The main focus in Schafer's book is cooperation. Children are not controlled but expected to cooperate in a way the benefits everyone. This makes the kids feel connected and part of something important. They feel that their opinion matters and therefore they are more likely to do their part. As a result the family works together instead of against each other and everyone is happier.

You should read this book! It will change how you parent.

The gate

2008-01-27T15:15:00.000-05:00

For about 6 months Cai, 2 1/2 years, would not stay in his room, or bed for that matter, for nap or night. It was an incredible strain on all of us because we had no idea how to handle the situation. Finally I took Dr. Ferber's book out from the library and found a solution: the baby gate. He suggests putting a baby gate on your child's door so that their room becomes their crib. Ingenious!

Cai can play with his toys or go to sleep (as he wishes) and he can't come out of his room to cause mischief. This gets rid of the power struggle wherein we try to force him to stay in his room and he comes running out as soon as we turn our backs. Of course Cai was not too pleased when we put up the gate but after a while he found it comforting. He felt secure, there was no longer the temptation to run out of the room, and he no longer felt anxious about bedtime or naptime. Recently, he asked for the gate to be removed. I obliged and after one "false start" where he ran out and I put the gate up, he has respectfully stayed in his room for bedtime and naptime. It is particularly refreshing during naptime when he will play in his room for an hour and never venture out. What self control! Six months of using the gate and now he is able to cooperate without a problem.

I thought "the gate" was such a great idea I applied it to a different situation. During the coldest months our heating doesn't quite cut it and our house can get quite cold. For whatever reason, Cai hates to wear his socks, this is fine for Spring and Fall but not acceptable for the winter months. The questions was: How do you force a toddler to keep his socks on when he can take them off himself?

The answer: The gate!
I simply used safety pins to pin Cai's socks onto his pants. The safety pins were the gate that kept Cai's socks on. With the safety pins securely fastened, he wasn't tempted to remove his socks and the power struggle between us disappeared. A day later when he began to remove his socks I asked him plainly and without malice, "Do you want to wear your socks or should I put the safety pins back on?" He said that he wanted the pins! So I went right ahead and put them on. I think he just wanted to remove the temptation of taking the socks off. After that, the socks stayed on and it was never mentioned again. Wow, what a relief.

"The gate" is a physical restraint that a parent can use to calmly show their child what type of behavior is required in a situation. It is a choice, the child can behave as required or choose that "the gate" be used to help them. After all, sometimes children need a little help to master their temptations and gain self control.

Miracle Skin Cream: Lanolin

2008-01-27T15:02:00.000-05:00

Normally lanolin is used by nursing mothers to sooth overused nipples, however, I have discovered that it is a cure-all for skin problems.

Lanolin comes for sheep, they secrete it onto their wool coats in order to waterproof themselves against the elements. It is hypoallergenic and antibacterial, it is safe for even newborns to ingest and I've never heard of anyone who was allergic to it. The drawbacks are that it is thick, hard to rub in, and smells like a barn (according to my husband.) If you don't mind that....

You can use lanolin for:
-eczema
-dry and chapped hands or lips
-diaper rash
-healing cuts......

The trick to getting the lanolin to absorb, when rubbing it on your hands, is combining it with regular hand cream.

Getting a ride

2008-01-25T14:45:00.001-05:00

Cai, ever so gently, loves pushing Jonah around in this box with wheels. Jonah can't complain, he's getting a free ride:)

Homeschooling

2008-01-24T21:26:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been researching the idea of homeschooling. Maybe this is strange coming from someone with a teaching credential but really I think it makes sense. I have taught in the public school system, I have seen how poorly the Education system is run. I feel like it is my responsibility to provide a better education for my kids. However, the idea of homeschooling is fairly foreign to me.

Now that I've begun searching I have realized that CT is a very home-school friendly state. Homeschooling is "allowed" and very little is required to prove that homeschooling is going on within a family. There are many groups that meet so that their children can have the social interaction that seems to be the "problem" with homeschooling.

Whenever I tell anyone that I'm thinking of homeschooling they always respond with their worries about whether my kids would get enough social interaction. They automatically assume that the type of social interaction that occurs at public school is good....Is it?

In public school social interaction results in drugs, smoking, pre-marital sex, gangs, fights, drinking, skipping classes....the list goes on. I don't think I'll be too sad to have my kids miss out on any of those things.

That being said I do think it will be a struggle to ensure that my children take part in activities outside the home: swimming lessons, soccer teams, art and music lessons, and meeting with other homeschoolers will have to make up a large portion of our time.

One important, novel idea, that I picked up from a homeschooling book that I checked out of the library was the high value of having your children play with other children of different ages. Patience and understanding can be learned from playing with younger children and new skills and expertise can be learned from playing with older children. This is something that is not acceptable in public school. Children are grouped by grade and are expected to play with those in their age group. This results in children looking to their peers for guidance in life issues, which leads to peer pressure, bad judgement, and devaluing of parental values. Children should turn to those older and more experienced to help them make big life decisions. Homeschooling helps children become friends with children of many different ages and provides the time to connect with parents so that they can be the primary values setters.

What is EC?!?!?

2008-01-24T21:21:00.001-05:00

EC - Elimination Communication, IPT - Infant potty training, Diaper Free, Natural Infant Hygiene

EC means communicating with your baby about when they have to eliminate or go potty. When a baby is born he knows when he is hungry, when he is tired and when he has to go to the bathroom. He uses subtle (or not so subtle) cues to communicate his needs to his caregiver. By using timing, intuition, the baby's body language, and the caregiver's cues the caregiver is able to have a verbal/non-verbal back and forth discussion about when the baby has to go potty. This way the caregiver can hold the baby over an appropriate receptacle and allow him to eliminate without getting himself dirty.

For example, when your baby squirms 10 minutes after a feeding she is telling you that she has to pee because her bladder is full from the feeding. By recognizing this squirm you can then take off her diaper and hold her over the sink/potty/toilet..... and make a cueing sound. We use sssss (you can use anything you want). The timing, they way the baby is being held, and your cueing sound indicate to the infant that it is time to relieve herself and so she does. Now you can put the dry diaper back on and she will feel happy to have relieved herself and not have to sit in a wet diaper.

The baby doesn't always give a cue and you won't always make it to the potty in time but you feel so much closer to her and have such a deeper understanding about how to fulfill her needs. She will cry less and be happier because she can relieve herself in a comfortable way. Would you like to sit in a wet/dirty diaper? Why would your baby be different? Just because she can't say "I don't like sitting in a wet diaper" doesn't mean she does!

Lots of people keep their babies in diapers full-time and still practice EC. The simple act of giving pottytunities on a regular basis keeps the lines of communication open. Your baby will try their best to communicate their potty needs and you can try your best to take your baby when you can. Some people will pull over on the highway for a potty break, others won't. You have to do what you're comfortable with. Sometimes you can put a lot of pressure on yourself to "catch" all the pees and poops. This can be quite stressful and not very fun. Its important to remember that EC is about communication, not catches, and that your baby is, just that, a baby, she will not always be able to hold it or to tell you when she has to go. As she matures she will be more reliable and consistent and your communication will be even more effective.

Although it may feel strange (at first) to hold your tiny baby over the toilet, hoping something will happen, you will be amazed at the results! Your baby is waiting for you to catch on to what she has been trying to tell you since she was born......GIVE IT A TRY:)

What Cai found in his potty

2008-01-24T21:01:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Cai (2 1/2) had a big poop on the bblp. After he got up, he looked inside and said "I made a big snowman!"

We waved goodbye to the snowman as he traveled into the toilet and got flushed away:)

Its amazing what little kids think of sometimes!

Parenting Books

2008-01-24T21:00:00.001-05:00

I really want my kids to grow up to be the best people they can be. I have spent a lot of time reading parenting books because I want to be able to provide my children with a positive environment. I want to be able to treat them with respect so that they will respect others. The books I have read have provided me with the confidence to make decisions and the ability to influence my children so that they become the kind of people the can make a difference in the world.

Parenting is a continually changing, continually developing job that comes with no instruction manual. I am always on the look out for new ideas on how to positively discipline my children so that they can learn the importance of their behavior in any situation, whether I am watching them or not.

The following is a list of books that I have read and that I strongly suggest to every parent. No one book can supply the skills necessary to raise children, I recommend learning as much as possible and then combining all that is acquired in order to form a solid understanding on how best to influence your children.

How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen & Listen So Your Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
This is an incredibly practical book that gives the parent the words and actions to handle almost any situation. The authors have provided particular phrases that give the parents the confidence to deal with difficult situations by addressing their children's feelings in a respectful way. By validating a child's feelings this empowers him to learn how to be independent as well as how to make good decisions about his behavior. The authors focus on the idea that children need to change their behavior because of the needs of the situation not because Mom or Dad "said so." This teaches children to think critically about the overall consequences of their behavior as opposed to just whether they will get "in trouble" or not. This book will revolutionize how you talk to your kids.

Sibling Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Another book by Faber and Mazlish, this is a must read for parents with single and multiple children. The skills taught in this book can apply to sibling AND friend rivalry, don't skip this book because you only have one child; you will be missing out on extremely practical information on how to teach children how to play together successfully. The authors provide phrases and actions to help combating children learn how to play together productively, share, and problem solve with little parental intervention.

Liberated Parents Liberated Children by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
This is the first book by these authors and it is written almost like a novel. Faber and Mazlish have used "fictional" characters, modeled after themselves, to describe the parenting skills they want to teach. The book follows a mother and her family as she attends a parenting class, and attemps to improve on her parenting skills. The reader is able to see the struggles that the mother goes through as she tries to put the skills from the parenting group into practice. This book provides the reader with both practical parenting skills and the continual comfort that parenting is an uphill battle, fraught with setbacks as well as successes.

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Although less practical, this book is extremely helpful in establishing an overall mind frame for parenting. Kohn discusses how physical abuse, verbal abuse, and timeouts of any kind demonstrate that a parent's love is conditional on good behavior. He continues by explaining the catastrophic results of using this type of discipline. Kohn describes how to provide unconditional love combined with discipline with the goal of raising children who feel loved, respected and have the confidence to face the world.

Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen
Playful parenting is the act of playing through particular troubles instead of using discipline. Although not suitable for every problem this book provides an alternative way to reach out to children in a way they can understand: play. Cohen outlines how by playing with their children, parents can show their love, explain a difficult situation or reach out and reconnect.

Between Parent and Child by Dr. Haim Ginot
Another practical book that provides parents with a way to discipline their children by showing them respect. Dr. Ginot debunks common discipline problems and explains why what a parent might be doing is ineffective and detrimental. He provides practical advice on how to understand as well as guide children's behavior. Dr. Ginot addresses how to successfully develop a child's sense of responsibility and independence through teaching by example and showing respect for the child's feelings in his daily life. (Note: I have a very old edition and the last quarter of the book is terribly out of date. I don't agree with Dr. Ginot's potty training advice or how he deals with the gender roles of parents and children. I will borrow a friend's newer edition to see if this has been updated!)

Children the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs
Although some of the ideas in this book are outdated the overall concepts are incredibly helpful. Dreikurs outlines the use of respect, responsibility and love to parent children. He provides parenting skills for infants up to teenagers, giving age appropriate examples to help parents almost every situation.

Breaking the Good Mom Myth by Alyson Schafer
I'm expecting this one in the mail any day.... It arrived. Read about it here.

Diva cup -who knew?

2008-01-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

So breastfeeding isn't holding off my period any longer and when I cracked open my stash of tampons and started using one I forgot how uncomfortable they are. How much the leak! This inspired me to order a Diva cup from ebay.

Did you know they were made in Canada?

Now that I have had a few days to practice I am amazed at the ease of using the Diva cup. You can leave it in all day, pull it out to dump and a wash and put it right back in. The whole thing takes a minute and there is no waste! It's so much better for the environment and for your body. There is no leaking and no smell. Of course it does take some getting used to to become comfortable with the insertion technique but after that there really are no drawbacks.

I have made some flannel panty liners to use with the Diva cup (just in case of an over flow)
They are so soft and also better for me and the environment. No waste and no plastic next to my skin. Better all around:)

My new blog

2008-01-09T21:33:00.001-05:00

I'm in the process of making a new blog with all the instructions and patterns for the trainers and EC items I have made. I just want to be able to have them online so that others can use them for their own little ones. Have a look!

Do-it-yourself EC

Sewing fun

2007-11-23T16:58:00.001-05:00

Here are some diapers and accesories I have sewn:

This is a potty warmer so that Jonah won't mind sitting on the potty when its a little chilly outside! It was fun figuring out the pattern and sizing the elastic to fit properly. The wool cover exactly fits where he sits but doesn't get in the way of where he pees, its kinda neat!

Check out the pattern online.

These are a pair of half waterproof trainers I made for Jonah. They are super soft and super stretchy. There is an absorbant soaker with a hidden layer of waterproof rip stop nylon. I love how trim they are.

Check out these instructions and make your own.

These are some waterproof trainers that really can hold quite a large pee. They have a PUL (polyurethane laminate) outer with a flannel inner, and a flannel soaker. I loved using my serger elastic foot to sew the elastic on the legs and waist. It was a little frustrating trying to regulate how tight the elastic was being pulled, I guess its kind of an art I'll have to master.

They are super cute on:

These are split crotch pants that spread at the crotch for quick pottying. When Jonah sits on the potty or is held in the classic position he can go and we don't have to pull down his pants.

Check out the pattern online and the instructions.

Should I write a book?!

2007-11-23T16:31:00.000-05:00

So as a SAHM (stay at home Mom) I always feel the need to find something intellectually stimulating to do. I love being at home with the boys but I do need something that will work my brain. First it was scrapbooking, then it was sewing diapers, now I think I might just write a book! I think it should be a book encorporating all the things I think are important about raising a family and running a household so that other mommas (or daddys!) can use some of my ideas to benefit their own families.